Almost
by SindyLoo
Summary: "I'm happy for you, Liv. You finally have everything you've ever wanted…" and with that he walked away. Olivia let a single tear run down her cheek when he turned away. She looked at her son and back to the man who she was letting walk away, again and she whispered, "almost everything…" ONESHOT


**AN: I don't know what this is, I'm so sorry if it's shit but I was having a shitty night and decided to write and this was the outcome. Imani, this is the story that I said was kinda similar to yours. Erica, Fiona & Diana, I promised ya'll I'd get something up so here it is. And I'll start working on Never Say Goodbye sometime next week, sorry for the delay in updating that one.**

**Anywho, normal disclaimers apply- I own nothing. Dick Wolf & NBC own everything.**

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It was 2 o'clock on a sunny Sunday afternoon and Olivia happily strolled through Central Park enjoying the beautiful weather while she pushed Noah in his stroller, stopping every so often to point to the ducks or the birds that were around. Judging by the content sounds coming from the little boy Olivia assumed he was enjoying their little outing as much as she was.

Olivia walked for a little while before she finally found a quiet spot to lay a blanket and put Noah down. She smiled contently as she watched the infant play and babble, enjoying the warm weather and being outside while she enjoyed finally getting to spend time with him. She had been working almost non-stop for the last month and half and she had rarely gotten to spend any time with Noah.

She sat on the blanket with the little boy who was blissfully babbling and playing with the blocks on the blanket smiling happily as she watched her little boy. She was so caught up in this moment that she didn't see the man approaching her, it wasn't until she heard him call her name that she realized he was there. The familiarity of the raspy voice caused an ache in her heart and she slowly turned her head and looked at the man in front of her, "Bri?"

Brian smiled at her and was immediately taken aback by her beauty, she was dressed casually in jeans and a light sweater, her makeup was minimal and her hair thrown in a loose ponytail, "hey"

"hi," she smiled sweetly back at the man she once knew inside out, her heart ached at the proximity, this was physically the closest they've been to each other since they broke up 6 months ago but it's also the farthest they've been from each other in 15 years. "How have you been?"

"Pretty good, IAB has been keeping me busy. I was under for a while, and I somehow managed to get a day off. Tucker must've been feeling giving" he chuckled, and rubbed the back of his neck before bending to be closer to Noah, "who's this little guy?" Brian smiled at Noah and instinctively he reached out his hand for the little boy and his facial features relaxed immediately when the little boy smiled back at him and grabbed his hand, "hey there little man, I'm Brian."

Olivia's breath hitched at the short interaction between Brian and Noah, "this is Noah, but you might be more familiar with 'Baby Boy Doe'"

Brian's attention quickly shifted from the little boy playing happily by himself to his ex-girlfriend, "Baby Boy Doe… from the case when we were together?"

"Yeah, we had caught a case at SVU and it turned out it was Noah's mom…long story short, she was murdered and he was going to be sent back through the system but the judge gave me the opportunity to be his foster mother for a year and if it all works out, I can legally adopt him…" Olivia smiled nervously at Brian, she had no idea how he would take the news.

Brian's face lit up as a genuine smile spread across his face, he placed his hand over hers and gave it a gentle squeeze, "Liv, that's great. You absolutely deserve this, I know how much you worried about him…You look incredible Olivia, motherhood suits you."

Olivia could feel her cheeks flush at Brian's words, she wasn't one who showed emotion easily but somehow Brian had a way of changing that. "You're lying. I'm a mess and I know I look as tired as I feel. I haven't slept in what feels like ages but it's worth it," she looked down at the chubby faced baby who was gleefully playing with blocks, "he's the most important thing in my life."

A sad smile graced his lips, he hesitated for a moment before he finally said what he was thinking, "I told you everything would work out for the best." He placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it gently, "I gotta get going but maybe we can grab dinner one night? You know, catch up with each other?"

Olivia's body tensed at Brian's question, she looked to the floor before answering, not wanting to see the pain reflected in his face, "Bri…I don't think that would be such a good idea…"

Brian smiled and shook his head, "don't worry about it. It's been so long since we've broken up; I should've figured you'd be seeing someone by now and going to dinner with your ex isn't exactly ideal. Anyways, it was great seeing you." Brian smiled at her and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek, tousled Henry's hair and said goodbye. He turned back and smiled once more, "You look great, really you do and I'm happy for you, Liv. You finally have everything you've ever wanted…" and with that he walked away.

Olivia let a single tear run down her cheek when he turned away. She looked at her son and back to the man who she was letting walk away, again and she whispered, "almost everything…"

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Olivia sat in her living room, absent-mindedly folding Noah's laundry while he slept. Her mind wandered back to Brian and their encounter in the park; she went over their conversation so many times in her head and she wanted to kick herself each time she did and she couldn't help but question her own motives, _why did you let him think you were seeing someone else? Why are you such a selfish fool?_ She wished she was strong enough to have taken Brian up on her offer to go for dinner, wished she wasn't so scared of being hurt again but she couldn't let herself do it. Getting over Brian had proved to be an impossible task, she still spent many nights wishing he were back home, dreaming of his arms holding her as they slept. Olivia grabbed her cell phone and allowed her fingers to hover over Brian's name. She knew this could end badly but she didn't care.

"Liv?" Brian's voice was laced with confusion and concern and she couldn't blame him, the last time she had called him was after her last encounter with Lewis.

Olivia felt guilt sneak up on her upon hearing the concern in his voice, "Bri, hi."

"Liv, is everything okay? Is Noah okay?"

"Brian, calm down. Everything's fine, I'm okay, Noah's okay." Suddenly, she realized just how nervous she was, Olivia found herself pulling at the ends of the cushion that was sitting on her lap, "I was just thinking about our run-in at the park the other day and I was wondering if you were still interested in grabbing dinner…"

"Are you sure that's a good idea, Liv? I wouldn't want to start any problems between you and.."

"Brian," Olivia couldn't help but smile, she could hear the jealousy in his voice and she knew she couldn't let him go on thinking that she was seeing someone, "it's fine. I'm not seeing anyone. I haven't seen anyone since we broke up."

"In that case, of course I'm still interested. When do you want to meet?"

"What about Sunday night? Say 8 at our usual place?"

"That's great. I'll pick you up around 7:30?."

"That's perfect. I'll see you Sunday. Bye, Brian."

"Bye, Liv."

Olivia hung up and smiled to herself, she missed Brian more than words could express, Noah filled her heart with more joy than she could ever explain but since the breakup, there has always been something missing from her life.

.

The week seemed to fly by and Olivia had an exceptionally busy week at SVU and on top Noah picked up a cold at daycare, and had been fussy all week, he had finally started to feel better and was back to his usual happy self but still Olivia felt bad about leaving him with the sitter. She considered calling and canceling dinner with Brian but decided against it, thinking it would be selfish of her to cancel on the last minute like that. She glanced down at her watch and let out a stifled yawn, it was 5:00 and Noah had just fallen asleep so she decided that now would be a great time to take a little nap before getting ready for her date with Brian.

Olivia's eyes fluttered opened as she heard her phone vibrating on the nigh table beside her, her eyes widened when she looked down and saw the time, it was nearly 7:00 and Brian would be there any minute. She jumped out of bed and quickly checked on Noah who was still sleeping soundly, exhausted from a week of being sick and not getting enough sleep. She quickly changed his diaper and then jumped in the shower.

Olivia finished in the shower about 15 minutes later and quickly towel dried her hair, allowing it to dry in its natural waves. She grabbed a pair of dark wash jeans that hugged her curves in all the right places and paired it with a deep purple blouse because it was always Brian's favorite color on her. She quickly applied a neutral smokey eye and added a pink sheen gloss before she heard a gentle knock at the door. She hurriedly walked to the door hoping the knocking wouldn't wake Noah, she smiled when she Noah's babysitter, Julia standing in front of her, "you look nice, hot date?"

Olivia felt a blush creep into her cheek and quickly down-played the night even though she was as nervous as a 16 year old girl going on her first date, "just dinner with an old friend" she said with a smile.

It was obvious that Julia wasn't buying it but she didn't say anything. She knew it wasn't her place to probe so instead she simply smiled at Olivia and changed the subject to Noah, "how's he feeling?"

"He's much better. His fever finally cracked and the cough is nearly gone so he's catching up on some well-deserved sleep."

Before Julia could reply there was another gentle knock at the door, and Olivia smiled when she looked at her phone, 7:32, of course he was on time, he always was. She opened the door and motioned for Brian to come in as she finished filling Julia in about Noah, "he's been asleep for about two and a half hours, wake him up in half hour and give him a bottle for me. And he's due for another dose of Tylenol in an hour. Thank you so much. If you need anything…"

"Call you, I know." Julia smiled sweetly at her, "Olivia, its okay. Go. Have fun."

"Thank you." She turned her attention to Brian who was beaming at her and she couldn't help but blush a little, "what?"

"Nothing, it's just, motherhood really does suit you" he smiled as he leaned in and placed a soft kiss on her cheek, "you look incredible."

Thank you." Olivia smiled and followed Brian out of the apartment; her heart ached at the familiarity of this act and knowing that it wasn't going to last.

Brian and Olivia decided that they would walk to the little bistro they used to frequent; their walk was quiet and familiar, they chatted briefly about work, Brian told Olivia of a UC case he worked for 3 months that he finally closed and she told him the details surrounding Ellie Porter's death, and how Noah had come to be in her care. They reached the quaint bistro and Brian opened the door for Olivia, she couldn't help the heartache from creeping in. She missed him more than she ever expected to miss a man and here she was, getting dinner with him in the place they used to call "theirs".

The host walked them to their table and they quickly ordered their meals, pesto penne with cabernet for her, and a grilled chicken sandwich and a glass of scotch for him. They sat in silence until their drinks came, the silence that would've once been serene now felt loaded and awkward and Brian couldn't handle it anymore, "you gonna tell me what's going on Liv?"

"What do you mean?"

"Three weeks ago you seemed adamant that grabbing dinner with me wasn't a good idea but here we are, in our place…"

Olivia looked down at her glass of wine, unsure of how to answer Brian's question, should she tell him the truth, that she missed him and that she couldn't stop thinking of him, the way he played with Noah or should she make up some stupid excuse.

Brian watched as a pained expression crept onto Olivia's face and fearful that he may have upset her he quickly finished his thought, "I mean, I'm happy you called, don't get me wrong but I'm just confused…"

Olivia was about to answer when their meals were served and she couldn't have been happier for the iinterruption, she quickly started eating to avoid the question that was placed to her, "I almost forgot how good the food was here"

Brian looked up at her baffled, she lived a short walk from the bistro and he knew how much she loved the food, it was always her idea to get dinner here so why wouldn't she have stopped by? "You haven't been here recently?"

Olivia looked at him and smiled sadly, "I couldn't bring myself to come back since the night we broke up, this place reminds me of you and everything we could've been, everything we wanted to be…"

Brian took a sip of his drink and nodded his head. He allowed a few moments to pass before speaking up again, "so, are you gonna avoid my question all night, Liv?"

"Yeah, if you let me…"

"Still won't let me in, huh Liv?"

Olivia felt her heart drop twenty feet, at Brian's words, she knew she wasn't always the most open but she didn't expect him to call her out on it tonight, "Bri...you know that's not true."

"Do I, Liv? We were together for two years; we lived together and you still didn't talk to me, you tried your absolute hardest to push me away when all I wanted was for you to let me in and it worked. So no, I don't know that it's not true. But I don't want to fight with you, Olivia. We spent enough time doing that while we were together."

"Wait, what are you trying to say? I caused the breakup? I don't remember you opposing it, you let it happen just as much as I did."

Brian scuffed at Olivia's words, "are you kidding me? I made several attempts, Liv; several attempts to get you to open up to me, to salvage our relationship. I fought as hard as I could." Brian closed his eyes and ran his hands through his short hair, "you were unhappy, I couldn't handle being the reason for that unhappiness. I loved you too much to do that you do."

Olivia's gaze shifted from the empty plate sitting in front of her to Brian, she took in the pained look in his eyes and couldn't help but feel guilty. As much as she wished it weren't the truth, she knew Brian always tried harder than her when it came to making their relationship work. He made the smallest of gestures like leaving her a note in the morning or the grander ones, like the candlelit dinners he prepared on several occasions, making her feel loved was always his priority, she was the one who threw the relationship on the backburner when things got rough.

"Brian you were never the cause of my unhappiness, _I_ was the cause of my unhappiness. No one could've possibly loved me better than you did, and I appreciate it more than you know." She reached over and placed her hand over his, inhaling deeply as she continued, "when I turned you down for dinner when you asked at the park it wasn't because I didn't want to see you, it's because I was _scared_ to see you. Getting over you has been the hardest thing I've ever had to try to do, and to be completely honest, I don't think I'll ever get over you. I love you, Brian. I love you with every fiber in me and it terrifies me to think that I'm so in love with a man who couldn't picture a future with me…"

Olivia sat in silence as Brian absorbed her admission and she immediately regretted it. That was the first time since they broke up that Olivia told Brian that she loved him and it was the first time she allowed herself to admit that she was in love with him.

"God, Liv, do you really believe that? That I couldn't imagine growing old with you? You're the only person I've ever dreamed of growing old with. That night when we broke up you caught me off guard, you spent so much time pushing me away and then you sprung this idea of a future at me, a future that terrified me. I spent years running from relationships, running from commitments and then you showed up and there was no one else I wanted to be with. There still isn't anyone I'd rather be with…"

Olivia stared at Brian, shocked and confused, what does this mean? What is he trying to say? Olivia's mind was running a mile a minute and she had no idea how to respond to him. She was thankful when not a minute later the waiter stopped at their table to drop their bill. Brian quickly pulled out his card and smiled at Olivia.

They walked out of the bistro together and Olivia linked her arm with Brian's, relishing in how good it felt to be with him.

Brian smiled at the simple gesture, this is what he missed the most, he missed the simple things she did, the way she linked their arms when they walked, the way her nose scrunched when she smiled, "look, Liv, I tried to get over you but it didn't work. My heart will always belong to you, and I know this may seem stupid but I think we should give our relationship another chance…"

Olivia froze at Brian's words, she stopped and looked him, tears welling in her eyes, "Bri, there's nothing I'd like more but I can't just think of myself, I have Noah now and…"

"And if you let me, I'd love to spend more time with him. I barely spent 10 minutes with him in the park and he managed to steal my heart." Brian cupped Olivia's face gently and smiled, "look, I'm not saying that we move in together again, I'm just saying let's try to make this work. Go on a few dates, see where it leads, and let's be open with each other and let's really try this time. I don't want games, Olivia, I want you."

"Okay… Let's try this again, Brian. No games. Just me, you and Noah…"

A huge smile spread across Brian's lips and he pulled her into him, "God, I love you, Liv."

"I love you too, Brian."

Brian leaned in and planted a gentle kiss on Olivia's forehead before they continued on their walk back to Olivia's apartment, when he got to the door he smiled at her and kissed her tenderly, it was a kiss full of love and longing and when they pulled apart they were both smiling and breathing heavily. Brian looked at her and smiled sweetly, "I'll call you."

"Bri?"

"Yeah, Liv?"

"Did you want to come in for a nightcap?"

Brian couldn't help the smirk that crept on his face before he kissed her gently on the cheek and whispered, "of course," into her ear, causing her to shudder.

She quickly unlocked the door and followed Brian in.

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End file.
